Reflections On Providing Myself With Closure (No Other Person Required)
**NOTE: If you aren't sick of my voice and would prefer to listen to this blog, see below**
But if you want to get your reading is fundamental on, here you go:
Before I get into the subject that brought you all here, please allow me to get into my own chill state of mind by explaining a little fear that leads to this inconsistent blogging thing. Well I'm going to break it down into a threesome.
1. Coming from a traditional editorial background I tend to overthink my writing to the point where I feel like copping an electric razor and pulling a Britney.
2. Why? Because I want my shit to be perfect first and done second.
3. However "perfection" often times leads to procrastination, thus you reading this like three months after my second posting lol. This is a blog not a damn Jonathan Franzen novel, so fuck it, in the raw, unprotected... here I am. Mission Blog Consistency, accepted.
Now back to our regularly scheduled writing inspired by a conversation had with a friend.
In my opinion, it is no one's contractual duty as a human being to grant us closure. It would surely be a wonderful show of empathy, but alas for reasons unnecessary to our growth... it doesn't happen.
In my second opinion, closure can still be achieved the same way an orgasm can be achieved... by ourselves.
For too many years I was once infatuated with a man who I felt owned every inch of my flesh... just reading his name made the outside world pause like those Snickers commercials as I dived deep into some alternate reality where our souls could intertwine freely.
(I’m making a verrrrry long story short)
Anyways, we had a forbidden kinship that involved a long game of honoring and then extending the expiration date of our affair and one day he cut me off with ease like I was a tag on a shirt… dragging my self-worth behind him.
I struggled and campaigned for closure.
However at that time, "Can we talk, I really need some closure" actually translated into "I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO MY PAIN SO THAT IT GUILTS YOU, BREAKS YOU AND ULTIMATELY MAKES YOU REALIZE THAT YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE AND I'M A QUEEN AND YOU NEED TO VALIDATE ME AND CORRECT THIS, RIGHT NOW!"
As you can see, my initial intentions with closure weren’t 100% about making peace and peacing out.
But if you feel that you’re in a space completely opposite where I was and if in fact the man/woman who dented your spirit is fine with hearing you out annnd decoding their own actions that did you wrong annnnd coming to an understanding, by all freaking means holler at that safezone of communication.
But if that's not the case and closure turns into a one person gig, know that you can handle it.
- Instead of harboring negativity, purge it onto some pages. Get a journal or a sheet of paper and murder the shame of it all.
- Get into a meditation practice – I know it’s all buzzwordy and shit, but meditation is proven by science to transform humans from creatures of reaction to response.
- Re-charge your belief system – whenever I’m confused with the physical world I try to get very clear about the spiritual world, it helps immensely with perspective.
- And my final suggestion, honor your feelings, but also remind yourself that life is 10% circumstance and 90% our attitudes towards that circumstance.
If you’re loved (let’s not disregard love from family, friends, God and self), if you’re breathing, if you’re sheltered… then you are okay. And we can always work with okay because okay is enough to move forward. Now I know you can’t hear my voice, but I don’t mean that in a belittling way in the slightest… I only have empowering intentions because although I’m for acknowledging our feelings I’m not here for being imprisoned by them.
Yall know what I mean…
Okay blabbing overload! Let me know what your thoughts! What's the best way to provide yourself with closure when the other person is inaccessible? Leave me a message below!
Till next time, keep the soul lit.
READ MORE: How I Pray To The OG of OGs AKA God